Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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