insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
