Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
