i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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