I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
