that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
