Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
