I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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