Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
