The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
