I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
