Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
