well I can't set my house on fire every night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
