I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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