Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize