1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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