in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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