I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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