I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am available for nakedness
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
