is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
