Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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