I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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