his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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