TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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