I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
