at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
