All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
