we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
