I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
