Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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