I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
