so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
