I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
