I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
