the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
