First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
