Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
