Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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