You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
