I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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