im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize