i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
