I faked an abortion last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
