Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
