So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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