I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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