I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
