I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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