she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize