I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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