How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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