So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
