After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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