that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
