I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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