you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
