So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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