you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
