I'm so fucking centered right now
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
