I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
