What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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