All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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