The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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