dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
