am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize