yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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