shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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