Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
