Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
