You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
