he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
