This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
