so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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