Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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