Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
