She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So vagazzling was a success
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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