As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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