May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
