Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
