her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
