the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
