How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i now understand why vodka
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize