Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
