Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize