I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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