Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
