I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's official drugs can't kill me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize