chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The beer is more important than you right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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