history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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